It's Friday which means it's time for the Mailbag. 

Congrats, you can pretend to work while reading in advance of the Memorial Day weekend.  

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Kevin Durant. He's included in a mailbag question as well, but his decision to donate a million dollars to the tornado victims is worthy of the award. 

And much more. 

Okay, let's dive into the mailbag.

I'm writing this mailbag from Mackinac Island, where the lower peninsula meets the upper peninsula in Michigan. This may be the only place in the continental United States that isn't 80 degrees today. Basically, it's heaven. But I've been up here for a couple of days now and I'll begin the mailbag with a question that I pondered as we were walking around in Mackinac City yesterday, why do all vacation spot restaurants have pancakes and all vacation hotels have jacuzzis?

Neither makes any sense to me because neither is much of a luxury. 

For instance, is there some lack of pancakes? Are there people in America who want pancakes and can't find them anywhere? I mean, I get that pancakes are tasty and all, but go to an American vacation spot -- the Smoky Mountains, Mackinac Island, Destin, Florida -- and every restaurant has pancakes (or waffles). 

Why? 

Most people thought that the last time we'd ever see Jerry Sandusky outside of a jail cell was in the immediate moments after his conviction. As a handcuffed Sandusky walked to a police car, ducked down, and slipped inside the back of the cruiser, he vanished from fresh air, forever banished to a jail cell. But unfortunately for Penn State Sandusky just doesn't disappear. He's a key witness in the upcoming perjury trials against former vice president Gary Shultz and former athletic director Tim Curley. Both of these men have been charged with perjury for providing false information to the grand jury. In light of the emails uncovered by CNN these charges could grow to include conspiracy, obstruction of justice, and additional counts of perjury.

So who is likely to be the key witness to determine exactly what happened in the cover-up?

You guessed it, Jerry Sandusky.

Yes, Sandusky will be back in the courtroom only this time he'll be a key witness for either the state of Pennsylvania or Curley and Schultz. Amazingly, Sandusky holds the fate of both men -- as well as Joe Paterno's legacy -- in his felon hands.

Joe Paterno and Penn State officials conspired to protect Jerry Sandusky from prosecution in 2001 after Mike McQueary reported seeing Sandusky raping a young boy in the football locker room. That's the only conclusion that any reasonable person can draw from CNN"s blockbuster Friday night report uncovering multiple emails discussing the Sandusky incident between Penn State president Graham Spanier, athletic director Tim Curley, and vice president Gary Schultz.

Based on the emails it appears that Joe Paterno was the driving force behind the decision not to report Sandusky to authorities.

According to athletic director Tim Curley the decision not to report Sandusky was made after a meeting with Joe Paterno. "After giving it more thought and talking it over with Joe (Paterno) yesterday, I am uncomfortable with what we agreed were the next steps."

Curley, a former Penn State football player under Paterno, buckled under the wishes of his old coach, calling an audible that led to a conspiracy of silence. A conspiracy, that was he still alive, would probably lead to criminal charges being filed against Joe Paterno.

It's scorching.

It's always hot in the South but an awful lot of y'all reading this mailbag today will be doing so in cities that have never been hotter in recorded history. Think about how crazy this is for a minute. Atlanta, Birmingham, Memphis, Nashville, Knoxville, Charlotte, Raleigh, and Louisville -- which are all top 15 markets for OKTC -- could all hit record highs today. How do you think Al Gore reacts to this? Secretly don't you think he's rooting for the craziest weather patterns every year? I mean he went all-in on global warming. If he'd just ignored global warming -- and if Palm Beach didn't have butterfly ballots -- he'd have been elected President.

So he has to secretly celebrate bad weather. Like when the 1972 Dolphins break out the champagne every year.

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is my 20 month old son who came into my office as I was writing this mailbag, picked up the Athlon preseason magazine and said, "I wanna read 'bout football."

It would warm my heart if it wasn't already too hot to warm my hot any more.

Godspeed, heat survivors.

You know how the television networks always claim they aren't involved in conference expansion?

Yeah, they're lying.

How do we know? Because yesterday we finally got our conference expansion smoking gun.

The Oklahoman uncovered memos from Chuck Neinas that specifically name networks, executives, and assess their opinions on Big 12 expansion. The network TV consensus from ESPN and Fox? Only Notre Dame is a positive addition to the Big 12. Quoth the Neinas memo: “Both representatives of ESPN/ABC and Fox Sports indicated that Notre Dame's involvement with the Big 12 Conference would increase the value of the conference relative to future television and also improve the image of the conference nationwide.”

Oh, there's more.

“Our television partners agreed that the only new member that would enhance the Big 12 value for television was Notre Dame,” Neinas wrote.

Damn you Alabama, just when I think your fans can't get any crazier, this video arrives.

Yes, it's really an Alabama fan in a number 14 jersey singing along to "Call Me Maybe."

I mean, there are no words.

The level of diabolical genuis that even leads to this idea percolating inside any mind is just...well... it's downright extraordinary. 

Seriously, you have to watch this. 

Then we have to buy the Alabama van and go pick this guy up.  

This is just a comedy pyramid.

Kate Upton has no discernible talent.

She can't act, she's not a very good dancer, and she doesn't have the traditional body of a supermodel.

But what she does have is a very specific set of assets.

Namely, two of them.

Her boobs.

And her boobs are enough to probably make her fifty million dollars or more.

God bless those glorious, natural boobs.

The BCS is dead.

Long live the BCS.

Yesterday college football's slow revolution came to a predictable close. Back in January SEC commissioner Mike Slive said that he saw a playoff coming. Nearly six months later, it's a reality. We know most of the details -- there will be a selection committee, the semi-finals will be played inside the existing bowl structure, and the top four teams will be chosen. Given the political parameters, I believe that college football's oldest generation got everything right.  

Except for one thing.

The playoff doesn't start until the 2014 season.

Which is confusing the hell out of an awful lot of fans. In this day and age how many industries announce a drastic improvement and then table its implementation for two years?

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is easy this week.

We've got multiple winners -- it's the old guys in charge of college football -- Mike Slive, Jim Delany, Jim Swofford, DeLoss Dodds, and Chuck Neinas.

As I wrote yesterday, we all owe them a debt of gratitude for the way that the've brought together a four-team playoff.

And we also have LeBron James, NBA champion.

Now we're off and running to the mailbag.