All That and a Bag of Mail: Romney Makes Play for Friday Night Lights Viewers
Published on: October 05, 2012 | Written by: Clay Travis
Every Wednesday night in the fall is date night in the Travis household. That's because I travel quite a bit on the weekends and other than the MAC games, Wednesday night is pretty safe in terms of sporting events. So I missed watching the live presidential debate in favor of "Looper." I made the right call, "Looper" was fabulous. Seriously, go see the movie, I loved it. Anyway, when I got back home and checked Twitter the debate was over, but you guys were inundating me with Mitt Romney whipping President Obama in the first debate.
How'd this happen?
I mean, aside from Al Gore blaming the altitude?
Mitt Romney had clear eyes, full hearts, and he couldn't lose.
Again, I'm not endorsing anyone in the campaign -- and I may be the only person on earth who actually likes both Obama and Romney and thinks both men will do a good job -- but Obama better make a play for Friday Night Light fans.
By the way, if I made an official OKTC endorsement, would we actually change any votes? If so, how scary is that? We've got a massive readership in Virginia, North Carolina, Missouri, and Florida. Those are four huge swing states.
Hell, maybe the candidates should be trying to woo me.
In the pop culture wars, Barack Obama helped get me hooked on "Homeland," but Mitt Romney's "Friday Night Lights," bonafides are tough to beat.
Remember, the first thing you see when you enter my house -- and my Twitter avatar -- is a sign that says, "Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can't Lose."
Someone needs to question Mitt about FNL to make sure he's actually watched the show. If we had Romney on 3HL I guarantee you I'd ask this. What if he hadn't even seen the show? I'd be so pissed at him.
In the meantime, here is Romney posing with his wife in front of the Friday Night Lights sign.
Okay, on to the mailbag:
James O. writes:
"Atlanta got a ton of rain yesterday, and as I was on my way home from work, a homeless man was asking for change at a stoplight. Seeing that he was drenched, I rolled down my window to offer him my red and black UGA umbrella. Although he was very appreciative of my offer, he declined, saying,
"I'm from Florida. If my brothers saw me with this umbrella, they would kill me."
I was hoping you'd say. The homeless man looked at me and said, "Aww, man, I played quarterback at Florida, I can't take that umbrella."
Yep, Chris Leak.
I kid, I kid.
"Would you buttchug if it meant Tennessee football would win a National Championship? If so, what type of alcohol would you use?"
Yes, 100% yes.
I don't even think this is that difficult of a call.
Now, I'd only do one beer -- I'm not going to suddenly get hospitalized for drinking too much at 33 -- but 100% yes for a national title.
But I'd buttchug responsibly.
The only question I have is who is assisting me in buttchugging. Do I get to pick him? I think that's actually the more difficult position. You have to stand and look at your friend's bare ass with a tube sticking out of it. Also, in this social media era I'd want to make sure there wasn't a picture taken. (Although to be honest, I've just admitted I'd do it, would that many people really want to look at that picture?)
I think nearly 100% of SEC fans would do this for a national title.
Courtesy of my former intern Abby, now a freshman at Auburn, comes the new UT logo.
Whoever designed this shirt is our beaver pelt trader of the week.
Several of you Tweeted this to me this morning:
The best part of this story? The "related" tab with a picture of a man with a goatee.
Picturing what a goatee on a face might look like was virtually impossible for me.
My favorite paragraph in the story?
"The goatee woman and another woman were spotted on Wednesday in the sports merchandise part of the store and took 4 USC garnet and black leather jackets, 10 USC baseball caps and 4 Dallas Cowboys leather jackets. "
Eight leather jackets with football logoes on them?
Bess Anne writes:
"So Clay, I just ended a 3 month relationship last Saturday with a guy on pretty good terms. It just "wasn't there". We were already friends on Facebook and tonight I got a friend request from him! Looks like he unfriended me in the last 3 days and regretted it, so he refriended me? Ugh. I never even noticed or looked at his profile... Can you please explain why this would happen? His request will be denied.
Oh and this is the second guy to do this to me. Weird."
I don't have a problem with the defriend -- after all, he might still like you and then be torn up when you start putting up pictures with a new boyfriend.
For instance, one of my law school buddies dated a girl for a couple of years, she broke up with him, and the next week she was on a boat in a bikini with guys taking body shots off her.
That's kind of tough to see.
So I can understand the defriend, it's like a precautionary move.
But I don't understand the refriend.
That's just weird. I think you made the right decision to end it.
"What would be the ideal sex tape to kill the internet? Probably Tebow, but who would be with him?"
Tebow is a great call, he'd break the Internet more than anyone.
Here are my top five candidates to make a sex tape with him:
1. Any man.
Can you imagine if there was a gay Tebow sex tape?
2. Michelle Obama
The first lady cheating on the President with Tebow?
3. Kate Middleton
Is the future king of England Tebow's son.
Can you imagine the ratings for this episode of Maury?
Oprah voice: "It's Tim Teeee-booooow!"
5. Kate Upton
She's the hottest woman on Earth and her videos have already nearly broken the Internet.
A few years ago I was exiled by my work to Fayetteville, Arkansas. I had some free time during my first few months there so to make extra money I applied to be a substitute teacher at FHS. The good people at the Fayetteville school district were super impressed with my higher education and excitedly told me I could get paid $30 extra per day since I am a college grad. I later discovered that less than 20% of Arkansas residents attend college. I also learned during my three years there that 100% of Arkansas residents root for the hogs.
I went to TCU, I've never met a TCU fan who is not also a TCU alum (or the immediate family member of one). During my three years in Arkansas I met hundreds of hog fans with no link to the university besides simply living in Arkansas.
So here is my question: what do you think is the percentage of fans actually attended the university they root for with such die hard passion? What percentage of the fan base would even be accepted into an SEC school?
The percentage of fans who root for the university and actually went there is a tiny, tiny percentage in the South.
Easily 90% of the fan bases have no connection to the university at all.
As for what percentage of those fans could get into the university they root for? An even smaller percentage. Especially if you're a member of one of the dumbest fan bases on earth, Alabama or Kentucky fans.
About half of the applicants to Alabama, for instance, are admitted every year. And these are pretty much the absolute smartest fans in the state. Alabama admitted roughly 6,362 freshmen in its 2012 class. But here's the deal, just 45 percent of those students were from inside the state.
How many eighteen year olds in the state root for Alabama? At least 75% of the state, right? (The other 25% would root for Auburn). A tiny percentage of these high school kids would go to better schools than Alabama, most would not. A substantial percentage of high school grads would not go to four-year college at all. There are also financial considerations, i.e. you go to the place that costs less, gives you the best college deal, is closest to your home, etc.
But assuming there are at least 40,000 high school grads a year in Alabama -- a reasonable number considering the population of the state is over 4 million -- way less than 10% could get into Alabama.
Now, Alabama, is a good school, but I would guess the percentages of admittable students would be similar across the rest of the SEC.
My guess is that no more than 10% of high school grads in any given year are able to get into the school that they root for. (As you increase the age, the percentages would lower since the older you are in the South the worse the education you received).
These numbers could be off, but I think they're pretty accurate.
"If you had to pick five coaches to be on a college football edition of Jersey Shore, who would they be?"
Yes, I'm watching the final season of "Jersey Shore."
Here's my five:
1. Les Miles
2. Dana Holgorsen
3. Lane Kiffin
4. Mike Gundy
5. Mike Leach
This would be a hell of a television show.
Can you imagine what Mike Leach and Les Miles would talk about?
Finally, the picks for the weekend.
I'm 9-7 against the spread so far this year picking SEC games. 3-1, 3-1, 1-3, and 2-2 in the first four weeks.
So get rich with these picks:
Florida +2.5 vs. LSU
Vandy +7 at Mizzou
Miss. State -10 at Kentucky
South Carolina -1 vs. Georgia