It's Friday which means it's time for the Mailbag. 

Congrats, you can pretend to work while reading in advance of the Memorial Day weekend.  

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Kevin Durant. He's included in a mailbag question as well, but his decision to donate a million dollars to the tornado victims is worthy of the award. 

And much more. 

Okay, let's dive into the mailbag.

Bama fans are dumb.

This is an irrefutable fact of life. Like saying gravity exists or Dana from "Homeland" should be written off the show via terrorist attack.

But even I'm sometimes shocked by how dumb they can be when it comes to tattoo decisions.

Enter the latest full back tattoo which was sent to me via this Twitter message last night..

Yes, that's really a skeleton and the word choice really does say: "Sons of Saban Alabama."

The Sons of Saban, as best I recall, began calling into Paul Finebaum's show about six or seven years ago. Now they have a new tattoo.

Immediately y'all began clamoring for me to feature this in the awkward fan photo deconstruction. Who am I to resist an opportunity to ridicule Bama fans? 

So without further ado, here we go, my 12 favorite things about this photo.

We're 12 days from the biggest cluser of the entire college basketball season, officially referred to as selection Sunday.  Like physics, each action in college basketball is part of a causal relationship that comes with an equal and opposite reaction. Our field of 68 doesn't rank teams based solely on their wins but rather by power potential derived from a blend of math metrics, overall performance, and relative strength of opponent.  You'll see with our updated rankings the team now being called America's #1 actually DROPPED in our poll this week because their resume doesn't appear nearly as strong now as it did in Vegas Bracketology 2.0.

It's officially March and madness has arrived in the SEC.

That's what happens when you have one good team and a whole heap of mediocrity.

In Friday's mailbag I attempted to forecast who would receive the top four seeds in next week's SEC basketball tournament here in Nashville.

Then chaos happened on Saturday.

Ah, Friday, when all you slackers pretend to work while reading the mailbag.

Today's a big day in the Travis household because we get acceptance letters from all of Nashville's private schools on the same day. Yes, they sync it. We live in downtown Nashville and were recently shifted into one of the worst public school districts in the state so we're going the private school route. Since my wife and I are both K-12 public school students, this is quite a departure for us. Since we made the decision to go the private school route, I've spent more time analyzing kindergarten schools than I did colleges.

Seriously, this stuff is insane. I had no idea how much nicer other schools were than my own public schools. These campuses are better than many college campuses. And now we're going to be ripping open envelopes to see whether or not our five year old gets into kindergarten.

It's pure insanity.

With all the hoopla associated with interviewing and visits, I feel like my five year old should have a hat ceremony. 

If we get rejected at all four schools, then Alabama and Kentucky grads make all admission decisions in Nashville private schools. (Also, my wife will kill me.) 

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is FX for "The Americans." Seriously, you must watch this show, it just gets better and better each week. Who knew the blow job was the most effective Cold War weapon? 

On to the mailbag.   

By Robert Dinwiddie

Athletes are not created equally. Some run fast, others lift heavy things and reach tall things. Not all of them can do it on the same level; therefore, they receive less playing time and less attention.

Most fans are enamored of the athletes they see playing regularly but pissed off when backups screw up during and between the seasons. It’s old news: linebackers at Alabama beat up some fellow students for not wearing the right color of Crimson, a QB at Vanderbilt attacks a payphone for insulting his “perceived” apathetic attitude. All kinds of crazy stuff, right?

Perception and reality rarely come to a confluence in sports gambling.  The media hypes teams just as gamblers are ready to bet against them while the schools with their back's against the wall (like Minnesota) Tuesday, end up offering the outstanding betting value. Despite the hate mail, "your a moron" tweets, and expletive laced tirades from fans, we figured the Vegas bracket sparked enough good discussion to make a weekly appearance from now until selection Sunday. Again this week I'll tell Butler Bulldog fans to refrain from hurling expletives while Middle Tennessee State fans should be confident in their future but not tempt the fates by losing in the Sun Belt conference tournament again this year.

As for the rest of you, it's time to step inside and see how Vegas sees your squad compared to the rest of the college basketball world.

I already liked Brent Musburger before the Katherine Webb "controversy" exploded, led by our old friend the Big Ten feminist professor in the Bill Cosby sweater, but after last night's Kansas at Iowa State game, I'm officially in love with him. 

That's because Musburger signed a student's bikini poster of Webb and added this commentary above his signature, "She's a 10!"

The exclamation mark really seals the deal for me.

This represents the capstone on a story that was always ridiculous -- ESPN threw Brent Musburger under the bus.

To refresh, during the BCS title game ESPN cameras featured AJ McCarron's girlfriend, Katherine Webb, in the crowd. Webb, a beauty pageant contestant and former Miss Alabama, is, not surprisingly, beautiful.   

Musburger commented on Webb's beauty and then the stupidity started.

Nick Saban and Les Miles compete every day, all day to sign the best football players in the country. And now Alabama and LSU are extending the competition to kids younger than high school. This weekend Alabama offered 8th grader Dylan Moses. That sounds crazy. But it turns out that Moses, who projects as a running back, linebacker, ro defensive back, has already had a scholarship offer from LSU for a year.

Since he was in seventh grade!

Lane Kiffin nods smugly.

How much of an athletic freak is Moses? He's 6'1", 215 pounds, with a 34 inch vertical and he's already clocked a 4.4.

All of these measurables were impossible for Saban and Miles to resist.

So how'd the scholarship offer go down? Let's go to AL.com for the full story.

"We met with Coach Saban after lunch and he talked to Dylan about his future and what he needed to do to achieve his potential as a student and as a football player. When he said he was offering Dylan a scholarship, we asked a lot of questions just to make sure we knew exactly what he meant. Coach Saban said the Alabama staff believes Dylan has a chance to be the best player in the country in the Class of 2017 and they were ready to offer him a scholarship. That's when the fireworks started going off in our heads."

The best player in the country in 2017!

That's four years from now.

After watching this video, I already feel bad for his high school football opponents. About two minutes in, watch closely as he knocks a blocker through the air into the running back for the tackle. Yes, that really happened.

By Loren Sanders

Today I bowled.

I traveled to the beach for work this week. Flight options kind of sucked for Friday, so the coworkers and I decided to have a fun afternoon at the beach.

Today, it’s 67 degrees and storming. Flash-flood-warning-storming.

Last night I watched the Oscars with my wife. But first we watched the Oscars red carpet.

Watching the Oscars red carpet with my wife is like watching the NCAA Tournament on opening weekend with me. My wife was watching CNN, ABC, and E all simultaneously, flipping from one interview to another like there were three different games all coming down to the wire at the exact same instant. What's more, she's constantly ripping or praising the fashion decisions of all the women being interviewed. Woe unto Anne Hathaway for what my wife said when Hathaway's dress -- which for some reason made it appear her nipples were showing -- first made it's appearance.

On the other hand, when your wife can't stop gushing about how hot Charlize Theron is, that's pretty damn enjoyable. Because it allows me to pretend that if my wife and I ever went out to a romantic dinner at Olive Garden with Charlize Theron -- what, this could totally happen, have you tasted their garlic bread? -- my wife and Charlize might make out. (Of course they'd probably hook up with Channing Tatum instead of me, but still a guy can dream.)

Since we don't have college football for quite a while, I'm going to apply the Starting 11 -- which usually comes out every Monday in the fall -- to other big weekend events between now and August. This is one of the first. So without further ado, here were my 11 favorite things from the Oscars.