It's Friday which means it's time for the Mailbag. 

Congrats, you can pretend to work while reading in advance of the Memorial Day weekend.  

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Kevin Durant. He's included in a mailbag question as well, but his decision to donate a million dollars to the tornado victims is worthy of the award. 

And much more. 

Okay, let's dive into the mailbag.

Written by Andrew Appleton

Aside from our looks and some mannerisms, most children inherit three main things from their parents: their religion, their politics, and their football team. This is especially true in the South where the distinction between the three is often times muddled at best and indistinguishable at worst. And although it is commonplace for free thinking adults to question the first two, very rarely is there an instance where one's football allegiance is ever divided.

By the time you read this I will be in Greenwood, Mississippi attending the wedding that followed our epic bachelor party in Las Vegas.

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Usain Bolt, who is the fastest human in the history of the world. And if that doesn't get you the beaver pelt trader of the week what does?

Now that we've got that out of the way it's time for fun pictures from SEC fans. All of these images were emailed or Tweeted to me recently. I saved them on my iPhone and then proceeded to forget about them until my wife asked if I had a picture of our son saved. So apologies for not remembering who sent the next three pictures to me, but Tweet me and I'll give you Twitter props. 

Up first, it's another Bama fan who seems unable to comprehend that his truck doesn't have to have a favorite team too.

How else to explain the Bama fan who turned the BCS title game into an homage to Nick Saban?

A little over a year ago Outkick the Coverage launched. Since that launch date millions of you have stopped by, we've had a lot of fun, and hopefully y'all have as well. On the day we launched you may remember that I said we wanted to feature your writing as well. That's why we've kept the Bullpen tab up at the top of the page even though it hasn't been used to this point. Truth is, I hoped to get that section up and running last year, but there was just so much work to do with the site. Whether it was writing on my own, selling ads on the site, or taking care of the thousands of details that come from any small business, the year passed in a flash. That didn't stop lots of you from sending me writing samples and we managed to feature some of that writing, but not as much as I would have liked to use.

A year later, now that our site's foundation is solid and the readers are here, it's time to roll out the Bullpen.

We'll start featuring your articles next week.

What kind of articles do we want? Well, you've read the site for a year now so you have some idea and you can also review my original OKTC manifesto.

In the past month Tyler Bray has been accused of "jet ski hotdogging" and throwing beer bottles off his apartment balcony at cars below. This is important news because after Steve Spurrier finally kicked Stephen Garcia off the South Carolina team we thought we'd have to wait a long time until another Garcia would arrive in the SEC. Turns out we just had to wait half a season. Now Tyler Bray, "the face of the Vol offense," as Derek Dooley memorably called him at SEC Media Days has become your friend in college who always got busted for doing dumb stuff that wasn't really that dangerous. 

In fact, here's a write-up on the charges Bray faces according to the Knoxville News-Sentinel:

"According to Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency officer Dewayne Williams, Bray was driving a Jet Ski with a woman passenger when he was observed by Williams "hot dogging" with another Jet Ski. Williams explained the term "hot dogging" as "almost like playing chicken" on Jet Skis.

The other Jet Ski tipped over spilling the unidentified occupants into the water. Bray then sped near the swimmers "spraying them with water," according to Williams, who added "he was almost on top of them."

Jet Skis are supposed to operate at least 100 feet apart, Williams said.

The charges include a Class A misdemeanor for reckless operation of a personal watercraft, and a Class C misdemeanor for failure to have a boating education certificate.

The Class A misdemeanor carries a possible $2,500 fine and six months in jail." 

For a long time ESPN ruled as a cable sports monopoly. Sure, there were challengers to the ESPN throne, but they did dumb things like hire Tom Arnold and try to mix sports and other programming -- Turner Sports. For much of the last 15 years ESPN has been the unrivaled king of the cable sports marketplace. That's what happens when you bring in six billion dollars a year in cable subscription fees. Remember, every one of us that has cable or satellite is paying around $5 a month just for ESPN. That makes ESPN the single most expensive channel on cable today.

With additional monthly fees for ESPN 2, ESPN U, ESPN News, and ESPN Classic, we're shelling out around $10 a month, $120 a year, for ESPN programming. ESPN then uses our monthly subscriber fees to pay big money for television rights fees which allows ESPN to demand more money from cable companies. Witness ESPN's massive $1.9 billion dollar a year Monday Night Football deal. It's a neverending circle of cable sports dominance that most cable subscribers don't even recognize because cable bills aren't broken down by individual station cost.

At least so far. 

The best part of ESPN's business model?

Non-sports fans are paying as much for ESPN as sports fans. 

That means your grandmother, aunt, and non-sports infatuated brother, are all paying the same amount for ESPN as you are. That's right, non-sports fans who don't watch a single game all year subsidize the cost of ESPN programming for those of us who are sports fans. If you're thinking to yourself, wait a minute, why doesn't a la carte cable programming exist, you're asking a question that makes ESPN really, really nervous. A la carte cable programming is the greatest threat to ESPN out there today.   

Satan must be pretty busy down there these days. Not only is he mass-producing Cowbells and Crocs, but now he’s working over-time making short shorts.  

(Just to clarify, these are made for people who possess male genitalia. I own shorts with a longer inseam than that. Seriously. Let’s ge tahold of ourselves here, guys.)

If you haven’t heard about them already, allow me to introduce you all to Chubbies: the latest obnoxious trend for men sweeping the nation andmaking us long for the days when our biggest enemy in menswear was a bejeweled Ed Hardy V-neck viciously raping our eyeballs. Now there’s an aggressive new contender in the running, and it doesn’t seem to be slowing down any time soon. In fact, it’s taking over. Here's proof:

Okay, it's mailbag time.

Apologies for falling a day behind on part two of the bachelor party column, but now I'm caught up and it's mailbag time. Meaning you get two long articles from me this Friday to help the weekend get here faster than you could have hoped. (I know you're not working today).

Props to Gabby Douglas for her gold medal win, she's our beaver pelt trader of the week.

Without further ado, on to the mailbag:

Remember when YouTube was created and we all said, "This is awesome now anyone can make videos."

And remember when you were a kid and you thought, "Man, nothing could ever make the Tennessee-Alabama rivalry seem lame. Nothing!"

Then YouTube existed and this video about Tennessee and Alabama, "Overcome the Tide," was made.

And you've basically got to question all of your life's assumptions now.

I didn't think it was possible for anyone to make a worse video than the Alabama fan singing "Call Me Maybe."

Then this happened.